Mother's Day - The First

Henry could not be less impressed with Mother's Day.

What a difference a year makes.  I think this and feel this so often, but today seems like a good day to acknowledge that.  One year ago today I surprised my family by announcing that I was pregnant.  We weren’t sure we were going to announce it so early  - I was afraid to jinx it.  It didn’t seem real yet, and I was still wrapping my own head around how quickly everything turned around for us.  We were just figuring out how to navigate those early days of pregnancy and I was learning some tough lessons about how difficult it is to keep your mouth shut when you’re carrying around a secret as big as the world.

This morning I woke up to the sound of squealing, screeching and laughter coming over the monitor.  Todd and I lay in bed and giggled at how loud and enthusiastic that little stinker is at 5 in the morning.  Eventually everything went quiet again and we didn’t hear anything else  until  notably less jubilant sounds erupted over the monitor at shortly after 7.  I had asked Todd to be the one to get up with Henry this morning so that I could sleep in.  If there was any doubt about whether or not this guy is a daddy’s boy, it should be cast out with the proof that on the one day (since he was BORN) that I asked Todd to get up with him – the little bugger slept in with us.  (Also – 7 a.m. officially counts as sleeping in for us now).

I’m feeling very blessed.  We are so overwhelmed with love and support – we always have been.  Looking back it’s pretty clear that there were times when we were held up only by the love and prayers of those around us.  We are surrounded by beautiful people.  I’m so thankful for my own mom – for a million and one reasons that I can’t even begin to list.  For being the best mom I ever could have asked for (even though she was, truly, the meanest mom in the whole wide world),  and for teaching me about the kind of mom I want to be to my own children.  I am thankful for my sister – also a mother – without whom I would NEVER have survived my pregnancy and these first 5 months of mommyhood.  If I wasn’t googling it, I was emailing her with it and – even when I’ve felt like a failure, she’s propped me up and let me know that we are all okay.  I am thankful for my friends – every last one of them – near and far – who have offered support, advise, and a safe place to be at my highest and lowest moments during this pregnancy journey.  You guys?  You see?  We are so so blessed.

I have found myself on this – my first Mother’s Day – thinking most strongly of those who are still waiting to be moms.  I haven’t forgotten where I came from or how drastically my path shifted in such a short period of time.   I understand that this can be a tough day, and so I send out prayers for peace to all of those who still wait, who still struggle, who are still angry or depressed or clinging ferociously to hope.  My heart is with you.  I get it.

Happy Mother’s Day. <3

Dear Henry - Month 5

Dear Henry,

Happy 5 month birthday!

So, it’s finally spring time here!  The last month has been cold and snowy.  Maybe even more cold and snowy than it was when you were born – way back in December.  We even set records for snow just a couple of days ago (on May 2nd) so -- welcome to the world!  I promise it gets warmer!  Jeez.

 

We’ve spent a lot of time cooped up indoors, but we did manage to get you out for your first outdoor adventure on one of the few sunny/warmish days.  It was your first time in your stroller and you loved it!  We went for a walk.  We didn’t go very far because I wasn’t sure how much you were going to like it (and it was still kind of cold) but you did so good!  It completely wiped you out and you were ready for bed very early that night too.  I can’t wait until it’s actually nice outside consistently so we can take advantage of all that fresh air.  I’m excited about the weather finally warming up so I can show you how cool the world is and how fun it is to be outside (when it’s not snowing, sleeting, raining, freezing, or unbearably windy.  Yeah.  It’s been a long winter).

 You’ve grown so much in the last month.  I remember taking your 19 week picture and thinking about how much different I thought you looked from your 18 week picture.  How could you change so much in one week?!  You are grabbing hold of things more regularly now and sometimes without us even noticing.  It’s not uncommon for your hands to appear out of nowhere clutching your burp rag, blanket, or whatever else happened to be close by (including my hair - which is a frequent reminder of how badly I need a haircut).  You’re really learning how to use them and I think you’re enjoying learning about textures as well.  I tuck a pillow under you when I nurse you, and when I sit you up to burp after we’re done, you like to run your hands back and forth along the pillow letting your fingertips and nails scratch against it.  You also like to do this to my hands while you’re nursing and I have come away more than once with red welts from where you really dug in.  You’re still a tiny little dude, but those nails are fierce!

 

You are <almost> flipping over!  At first you could only do it if we put you on your belly and tucked one arm underneath you.  Then one afternoon I plopped you on the floor (on your back) and stepped back to take care of something and when I looked back at you - you had practically flipped all the way over all by yourself.  There was an infomercial on TV and you were very interested in learning more about that lawn trimmer.  I do hope that is a sign of how helpful you're going to be with the yardwork in the future!  

 

Nerdy like Daddy

You've also gotten squirmy in your crib. You've slowly but surely been scooting around so that we find you at a different angle than where we left you the night before. Lately you wake us up in the middle of the night as you kick the soother we having hanging on your crib side while you work on scootching all over. This morning you were laying in the exact opposite direction from where you were put to bed last night, with your soother music on, foot resting on the on/off button, and hands gripping the toy giraffe your dad hung from the crib railing the other day. You were having an early morning jam session. We walked in to big smiles, like you were just so happy that someone finally showed up to your party!

You’re still completely crazy about your daddy.  A couple weeks ago you had your 4 month check-up and they had to give you two shots.  You were furious.  We comforted you in the doctors office and then I took you home and you slept for 3 hours.  When you woke up, you were still pretty cranky and fussy.  Then your dad came home and you lit up like Christmas.  You don’t respond to anybody like you respond to your dad.  You smile and squeal and giggle at almost everything he does.  It’s truly a special relationship and I can’t wait to watch it evolve. 
 

 

Speaking of cranky - your temperament these days is...shall we say...mercurial.  To strangers I will describe you as a laid back, easygoing, good natured baby.  All your pictures (well, almost all) reflect this as well.  And I'm not saying that's not who you are because it definitely is.  You are my little ray of sunshine and your little voice lights up our whole worlds.  But man - you can flip that switch on a dime.  There is very little warning before those sweet smiles turn into gutteral screams.  You are probably just keeping us on our toes, making sure that we don't get too comfortable - and you're doing a good job at that.  It is during these times that we long for days when our communication is a little less confusing.  I don't know who you got this from - but some days you are a regular roller coaster ride!

 

 

Some bad things happened in the world during the last month and sometimes I wonder what kind of scary world you’re going to inherit.  I look at the world differently since you came along.  At one of our pre-natal visits, our doctor was joking with us how someday we would be somewhere and someone else would be just innocently occupying the same place – doing nothing but minding their own business – and we would look at that person and think about how much bodily damage we would do to them if they dared to hurt our child.  I haven’t had that exact moment yet, but every scary thing that happens in the world makes me think about how we would protect you.  I don’t think the scary stuff is going to go away – so if you have to deal with it, here’s the way I’d like you to look at it.

For every 1 awful person who hurts other people and makes the world a scarier place to live – there are thousands and thousands of people who are basically good.  And when something awful happens – those people all come together and rally around and show their beauty and their goodness in ways that help heal the human spirit and offer hope to the hopeless.  I feel like this makes the world just a little less scary.  It’s also okay to take a piece of advice from Mr. Rogers (who you may not ever know, but trust me, I grew up with him and he was full of good advice for kids) – and look for the helpers.

“When I was a boy and I would see scary things in the news, my mother would say to me, “Look for the helpers. You will always find people who are helping.” To this day, especially in times of “disaster,” I remember my mother’s words and I am always comforted by realizing that there are still so many helpers – so many caring people in this world.”

There are always going to be people rushing towards the scary thing to make it better.  They want to help the people who need help and to figure out who the bad guys are and make sure they can’t hurt any more people.  Seeing and knowing that there are always going to be helpers also makes the world a little less scary.

 
Of course I’d rather that you didn’t have to think of the helpers.  I wish that you would never encounter a situation where you’d need to train your brain to find the positives.  I wish I could protect you from all the ways that the world is going to hurt you (and it will, and I’m sorry) – but I can’t, and honestly, even if I could, it would probably be doing you a huge disservice.  There’s a lot of positive growth and learned resilience that comes out of the ways that the world hurts you.  I guess the more important lesson here is that you don’t let it beat you down, you don’t let it defeat you, you don’t let it strip you of your values, your sense of humor, and your ability to see all the beauty and joy that also still exists, even in the middle of the really yucky times.  Don’t let anger and fear win out over love because in the end – love is always stronger.

I know that's pretty heavy stuff for a 5 month old.  I just want to make sure we always talk about the important stuff so that you always know where I stand.  In case you missed it, that is right behind you.  No worries.

Love and kisses all over,

Mama

 

Dear Henry - Month 4

Dear Henry,

Happy 4 month birthday!

I think we may have officially reached the stage where each new month is going to be my favorite.  Thus, this has been my favorite month so far.  Your personality has blossomed so much and you have become so much more  fun and interactive.  You are a happy, smiley guy.  You are easygoing and can keep yourself entertained for a much longer amount of time than I would have thought possible at this age.  That said – you don’t give us much warning when you’re bored, hungry, or tired.  There’s very little warm-up before you reach full on rage.  There’s some debate as to who you inherited that from, but I’m afraid it might be me. 

A little bit of mischief...

This month held a lot of adventure for you -- your first St. Patrick's Day and your first Easter.  There's not much Irish in your bloodline, so we didn't do much to honor St. Patrick's day (although your mom and dad enjoyed the heck out of some Shamrock Shakes), but you got to celebrate Easter with both sides of the family and I think you charmed them all.  You were on your best behavior.  Even though you were extremely tired, you didn't want to sleep and miss out on the activities.  You are a party guy, apparently.  We will have to watch out for this in the future. 

1st Easter.  Mom celebrated by putting me in a chicken hat.  Dad not amused.

You are happiest in the mornings.  Your dad and I both want to be there for those first couple minutes so we’ve constructed our morning routine so that we both come in to get you at the same time –  neither one of us is willing to miss those first smiles!  Sometimes you’re already awake just laying there quietly, or talking to yourself (lately you’ve learned how to stick out your tongue and blow, so we hear raspberry sounds coming through on the monitor), sometimes we have to wake you up.  No matter what your sleep state is, it is the best way we have ever found to get the day off the ground.   Better than coffee.  Better than pancakes, even.  Your whole body wiggles and your million watt smiles occasionally turn into giggles and I don’t think there’s another human being on the planet who has ever been so happy to see us. 

BEING AWAKE IS SO COOL!

You’re so much more alert these days – everything catches your eyes.  You like to watch the dogs run and play, and you’ve recently discovered your hands and how you can move them.  Sometimes you’ll just sit and stare while you open and close them.  It’s so fun to watch you learn how you work.  You’ve also discovered your legs.  You LOVE to kick off of things – and sometimes that’s not always super convenient or – you know – safe.  We had a bit of a situation when you tried to do that in the bathtub the other night.  Everything is totally fine, but you gave us both a mini heart attack.  We try at least once a week to put you in your Johnny Jump-Up, but so far you've still been too little for that.  Once you're big enough, I think you're going to love it!

You like to kick your legs everywhere but in in the Jumparoo!

You love making fart noises, hearing fart noises (see the blowing raspberries thing above), and talking about poop.  This is all the evidence we need to know that you are your daddy’s child.  We struggled with a yeast rash on your little butt for the first couple of months of your life.  I stocked up on all kinds of creams and salves in my commitment to get on and stay on top of that rash and then you immediately stopped pooping.  You went from pooping 10+ times per day to pooping once a week.  I would ask you where your poops went while changing your diapers and you would laugh and laugh.  Then we lived in fear of when the poop finally returned and, indeed, it was epic and awful.  I think the pendulum has started to even itself out a little bit now so we don't have to be quite so fearful.  It's amazing how much of our lives are now dictated by your tiny butt.

there's a fairly good chance that this conversation involves fart noises.

You’re welcome for talking to the whole internet about your poops.  Please know, it is our job to thoroughly embarrass you as often as possible.

Speaking of - we need to talk about your hair.  When you were born you had this beautiful man sized head of hair on your bitty little body.  Everyone commented about how much hair you had and we strutted around all proud of our baby with the full head of grown up hair on the bitty baby sized body.  And then, after a while, it didn’t seem like it was falling out.  So I started telling everyone that I was pretty sure it wasn’t going to fall out – you’d just grow hair around it.  And – I don’t think I was wrong about that, exactly, but I was unprepared for how that might actually play out.  You see, I don’t think you’ve actually lost much hair, but you haven’t really grown any either.  So what’s happening is that your head is getting bigger and the beautiful grown up sized hair that you were born with has separated into continents of hair.  This has led to bald spots (oceans?) spread about your head in patterns that appear to be both male pattern and completely spontaneous.  Also, the hair that does currently exist on your head defies gravity.  The result is a comedic patchy mess of spikes and mohawks scattered haphazardly about your head.  Oh, kid.  I’m sorry.

Your hair has a mind of its own.

This too shall pass!

Also, it’s nothing to worry about because every single thing about you, including your ridiculous hair, is the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen. I know, I’m a little biased.  It’s not cool to tell people your mom thinks you’re handsome.  It’s okay, cuz I tell everyone anyway, so you don't have to.  You are handsome.  You are smart.  You are unbelievably sweet.  I can't imagine a world without you in it and I can't imagine all that you will bring to the world.  You are my little adventure, my sweet sunshine.  It has been a very, very good month.

Love and kisses all over,

Mama



Dear Henry - Month 3

Dear Henry,

Happy 3 month birthday!

The fact that you are three months old is completely blowing my mind.  How did this even happen?  Time is moving too quickly.  When we brought you home you were this teeny, hairy, little chicken boned thing and now you’re an enormous meatball.  My favorite meatball.  The best meatball I ever knew, for sure.  We had your 2 month check-up (after your 2 month birthday, which is why I didn’t talk about this there) and you weighed over 13 pounds and were in the 80^th percentile for weight.  This is so fantastic because we were so worried about you when you were first born and kept losing all that weight.  You, apparently, are just like your mama in that you know how to make a heck of a comeback.  It is also fantastic because it’s given you the most adorable pot belly that I’ve ever seen and the much much coveted thigh and knee rolls that are nearly impossible to look at without squealing.  You’re getting so big, little man, and also exponentially cuter (as if that were even possible).

 

Month three wasn’t as hard as month two.  That’s not to say that it wasn’t hard – it was just hard in a different way.  We’re still learning you and learning how to accept that the unexpected is the new norm.  I went back to work this month.  I spent the last two weeks of my maternity leave completely stressed out about that.  I didn’t know how we were going to take the chaos that was (is) our lives together and somehow smush them into a semblance of organization to get us both out of the house, dressed (in more than a robe) without screaming and crying and being hopelessly late.  I also didn’t know how I was going to survive the days without you when you and I were constant companions for the last three months.  I was afraid.  And then the day came when I actually did have to make this seemingly impossible thing work and – you know what?  We did it.  It wasn’t pretty (especially not that first day) but we did it.  I think we might have even rocked it.  And – like so many life changes that I have been so paralyzingly afraid of in the past?  It wasn’t that bad.  In some pretty significant ways?  It was actually kind of good. 

The whole world is exciting! 

I still miss you all the time while I’m at work, but I put your picture up all over and sometimes I just sit and look at your sweet face for a bit to help take the sting off.  I hope that you’re not missing me – but I know that you’re in good hands at daycare and I don’t really worry about you so much as I just miss you.  The first day we brought you home from daycare you completely zonked out on us at 6:30 p.m.  We had no idea what to do with you.  We felt like 6:30 was too early for a bedtime but we weren’t really sure if it was a nap – so we just put you in your swing thinking you’d be up in a couple of hours and then we could do the bedtime routine with you.  You woke up 7 hours later.  SEVEN.  HOURS.  That was the longest you’d ever slept.  Your dad got you into your pajamas and fed you a bit and then you passed right back out.  Daycare must be exhausting!  Your day two wasn’t much different – only this time we knew that you belonged in your crib and not your swing.  We are hopeful that this is the beginning of a beautiful establishment of sleep schedule. 

Daddy's Boy

My favorite change in the last month is hands down the fact that you’ve started smiling, cooing, and sometimes even doing a little giggle (if we’ve made big enough fools out of ourselves for you).  It’s so amazing to hear your little voice as you start to make new sounds.  Your relationship with the ceiling fan is still going strong, but your happiest place in the world is on your changing table.  You just wiggle and giggle and beam that great big gummy smile all over whenever we lay you down there.  We have two framed pictures of you hanging over the table, and you like to lay there and talk to them.  It’s the cutest thing I’ve ever seen, even if it does make getting the diaper changed a little challenging. 

Somebody seems to have missed the point of tummy time.

You attended your first wedding this month – my cousin Sam got married and you got all dressed up for the occasion.  You were a champ – there was much car travel and an overnight hotel stay involved and I could not be more proud of how you just went with the flow.  The ceremony was pretty short, so you basically just ate a bottle for the whole thing.  You took a tiny cat nap at the reception, and otherwise were perfectly content to be passed around and take in all the sights.  Of course, you left everyone who held you with your current trademark gift – spit up.  Everyone got a piece of that and then you gave me your grand finale spit-up spectacular which, ultimately, signaled our exit from the wedding. 

"Dapper Dan" all dressed up for the wedding.

You are the spitty spittiest.  We asked the doctor about that because it seems like you spit up all the time, even hours after you’ve eaten.  The doctor tells us it’s nothing to worry about so I usually just try to keep all kinds of blankets and burp rags on hand to spare us all from a spit-up coating – but sometimes you are sneaky and we all get covered nonetheless.  Nobody is immune – not even the animals!

The whole family - before the stealth spitting began!

After we got home from the wedding we had a pretty lazy day.  You took a lot of cat naps and tried to recover from all that partying.  During one of your awake times, we put you in your Bumbo (or the “Bimbo” as it is now affectionately called around this house) and you fussed a bit so your daddy put your pacifier in your mouth. You were staring off at something fascinating on the wall and I was moving around trying to get your attention to get a picture of you when I finally caught your eye and you spit that pacifier out of your mouth and gave me the biggest, brightest, gummiest little grin.  My heart exploded because – for the first time – I had done nothing to earn that smile.  No silly songs or goofy voices, no crazy dances around the room.  For the first time just my being there, in your line of sight, was all it took for that gorgeous smile.  It was a gift from you, and my heart exploded in a million little bits of crazy uncontrollable love.  I hope you felt that.

My heart!  I die.

It is impossible for me to wrap my brain around how much you've grown in so little time, much less contemplate how much more growing you have ahead.  You change every day, which makes every day a whole new adventure.  You are a little light - shining so bright and raining happiness wherever you go.  You are also a tiny terror, a demanding dictator with very unforgiving deadlines.  You are a perfect package and we're loving every minute of getting to know you.  This is, without question, the toughest job I've ever had, but it's already also the most rewarding, fun, amazing, and fulfilling.  I can't wait to see what month 4 brings. 

Love and kisses all over,

Mama

Dear Henry - Month 2

 

 

Dear Henry,

Happy 2 month birthday!  Time is moving so quickly and you, kid, are growing so big and strong.  I know we talked about this and this was the deal we made – but I didn’t really expect it to happen so quickly.  It’s like overnight you outgrow an outfit, go up a diaper size, or learn a new skill.  It’s all very exciting – and a little bit sad.  You’re going to be all grown up before I know it!

I’m not going to lie.  The second month, for me, was much more challenging than the first.  In the first month I think I was gifted with all kinds of new mom adrenaline that made 3 hours of sleep per night a perfectly livable situation.  I sometimes slept when you slept, but more often I pumped, or picked up the kitchen, or did the laundry.  I felt like we were getting the swing of things.  During that time you settled into a somewhat reliable sleep schedule.  It wasn’t tons of sleep, but we pretty much knew what to expect.  Then you hit your 6 week growth spurt and completely decimated any semblance of structure we felt like we had gained.  You are a sneaky little turkey.  The good news is that at the end of that (endless) growth spurt, you did indeed start sleeping a smidge longer (at night).  You also started smiling and cooing.  It seems that there is always a trade-off in this parenting gig.  Unfortunately I haven't caught back up yet and all that new mom energy appears to have abandoned me.  At a time when I should be trying to train myself back into a normal work schedule, I just want to sleep when you sleep.  ALL.  THE.  TIME.

I'm sure it doesn't help that I'm probably still recovering from being sick last week.  You probably didn't even realize it because your daddy did such a good job of taking care of you, but I was pretty sick for a couple of days.  I had a bad fever on top of some stomach issues and the result was that once the fever broke, I was still pretty much out of commission for at least a day.  I could barely pick you up, I was so weak.  It was really scary and sad.  I missed you, and worried that I was never going to be able to properly care for you again.  Of course, once I got re-hydrated and recouperated for a little longer, everything fell back to normal (or mostly normal), but I think in some ways I'm still recovering.  It just means more naps with you for now!

 

Yes, you are starting to sleep more at night!  One night you even gave us about 6.5 hours – IN A ROW – at a time when we were also sleeping.  Your terroristic sleep habits however, have made us fearful of hoping that this means we’re turning a corner.  We had one (TWO - as of this publication!) really good night(s).  For now, that’s enough.

 

Perhaps because you are sleeping more at night, you are awake much more during the day.  I feel like you may also be starting to settle into your daytime sleep schedule too – although that’s still a little less defined at this point.  You’re usually up for 3-4 hours at a time midday and then another 3-4 hours in the evening before bedtime.  This is great because I think it means you may have your days and nights figured out, but it’s also extra challenging because you’re not really very interactive yet so it’s kind of hard to figure out what to do with you.  I sing you songs and read you books and ask you a million questions about yourself, but inevitably I find myself a contender for mommy of the year as we find ourselves with me zoned out staring at the TV and you zoned out staring at your one true love in the entire universe – the ceiling fan. 

Our very own Little Lord Fontleroy

We did set up your little floor gym, wherein we lay you on a little brightly colored mat underneath crossbars with all kinds of colorful, differently shaped toys hanging off of it, and you do seem to enjoy that.  Mostly I think you enjoy spitting up all over that brightly colored mat.  However, you also enjoy it when your dad makes your hands bat at the toys.  This toy and the ceiling fan are the only things you like.  I daresay that you are even starting to grow tired of your previously beloved swing.  This can’t mean good things ahead for us.

Things are swinging above my head!  Mind!  Blown!

Speaking of your dad – let’s talk a little bit about your relationship with him.  You see, you spend all day with me, at least for now.  I get up with you at 2, 3, or 4 a.m. and change your diaper, snuggle you close, feed you, and eventually sack back out with you on the couch.  I stay with you all day trying to keep you entertained (see above), fed, make sure your butt is clean at all times, and generally keep you out of harms way and moderately happy.  This earns me about an hour of smiles and coos a day, and usually a shirt full of spit up, and occasionally some pee in my hair.  By the time your dad comes home you are usually hollering at me about – who even knows what, the state of the world or the state of your diaper – and then your dad walks in the door and it’s like the sun rose just for him.  In fact, sometimes you will be in a dead sleep and hear the sound of your dad’s voice and your eyes will snap open and you’ll get all wiggily for him.  As soon as you’re in his arms you will calm down.  You will sit quietly with your dad for hours.  Maybe it’s just the different energy after being stuck with mine all day, but preliminary signs point pretty strongly towards you being a daddy’s boy.  The adoration is completely mutual.  Your dad is nuts about you.

 

 

 

In spite of how challenged I have felt this month, the rewards have been tremendous.  Like I said you are smiling socially now.  Sometimes you will respond to something that I say, and sometimes you will just burst into great beaming smiles at the most random objects.  Your favorites are the ceiling fan (of course), the picture frame hanging over your changing table, and the candle holder over our love seat.  You’ve also started to coo a bit.  Little gurgly noises that are so much different than the little chipmunk noises you’ve made since birth.  These are sweet, cheerful little noises that express delight and sometimes maybe just conversation.  There is nothing that makes me happier than hearing one of those cheerful little gurgles first thing in the morning.  I practically melt every time.

 

Your little body is filling out.  Your skinny little chicken legs have developed some impressive little Michelin Man rolls, your cheeks have taken on an identity of their own, and your tiny little fingers are ridiculously pudgy and unbearably cute.  Your eyes are still blue, although I think they might be getting a little darker lately.  They’re also large and very expressive.  You’re basically a Gerber baby and despite all that complaining I just did up there, you have a bubbly, sweet personality.  You love to snuggle, you love having us close to you, and when all of your basic needs have been satisfied, you’re pretty content to just lay on the couch next to Daisy (who sometimes gives us a long suffering look, and sometimes just gives your cheek a lick and then lays her head back down) and watch the ceiling fan. 

 

You look like a geriatric little man in the clothes we force you to wear to bed. 

It’s been a long month, but you covered a lot of ground and I feel like we’re already turning a few new corners.  I’m excited (and nervous) to see what month three brings.  There are some big scary changes ahead (I go back to work…ack), and probably some fun ones too as you continue to grow and change and amaze us in practically every way.  You keep us on our toes l’il man, but you also give us the most cherished rewards.  Every day is a gift - even if we don't always know exactly what to do with it.  You may be a little turkey sometimes, but you are our little turkey.  Don't forget that.  (Seriously.  It might come back to haunt you someday).

 

Love and kisses all over,

Mama

Dear Henry - Month 1

Dear Henry,

Happy 1 month birthday!  It seems impossible that it was already a month ago that you were unceremoniously plopped on to my chest – this squirmy little squish ball who gave a couple little yelps before looking me right in the eye and settling in for a cozy snooze.  I think you knew you were where you belonged the moment you entered into the world.  I hope that never changes.

Brand spankin' new.

The last month has been the craziest ride we’ve ever been on.  You’ve been such a good baby.  I’d heard such terrible horror stories about the newborn stage that I was very scared of what was in store for us, and I feel like we won the lottery with you.   You cry when you’re hungry, when you’re angry at your dirty diaper, and occasionally when you’re working out some serious gas issues.  I’m sorry about those gas issues little buddy, it’s an issue that apparently runs in your family.  The good news is, it gets easier. 

You got quiet.  So it was time for silly hats and pictures.

When we first got you home, neither your daddy nor I could put you down for two days straight.  We took shifts and one of us had you in our arms at pretty much all times.  Eventually we figured out that we couldn’t live like that, so we started getting you used to sleeping in places that weren’t our arms, but I’ll admit that it’s still a struggle for me.  Your daddy puts you to bed at night.  This is in part because he has the “night shift” and I wake up with you at 3 a.m. – but it’s also because I’m not sure I’m capable of putting you back in your crib.  When I get up with you at 3 a.m. – I change you, feed you, and inevitably fall asleep with you on the couch until you wake up again – usually around 6 a.m.  I tell myself that I am doing that because when I go back into work, there will be no time to crawl back into bed at that hour, but the truth of the matter is that those are some of my favorite moments of the entire day when it’s just you and me and the world is quiet and you are warm and snuggly on my chest.  I know it’s not going to last forever so I’m giving this to us for now.

Rockin' the self portrait at 4 weeks old.  'Atta boy.

You sailed through the holidays.  You made it for the majority of the holiday celebrations and took it like a champ when you were passed around room after room to person after person.  You met pretty much all of your family and seemed to take it well.  They’re a great bunch of people, you’ll learn that soon enough.  I hope that you’ll be as happy to have them in your life as I have been.   They are nuts about you, every last one of them.  You were too little to be impressed by Christmas much, but I know that will change too.  By next year, I suspect you’ll be blown away by the magic of it all.  I can’t wait to see Christmas through your eyes as you get older.  It's my favorite time of year so I can only imagine how incredible it's going to be to experience it through the eyes of a child again. 

Our very favorite Christmas present.

Occasionally you completely confound us.  I can’t tell you how many google searches I have done to try to figure you out.  Interestingly, even when I am typing in the most ridiculous searches (baby sleeps too much?  Baby sleeps too little?  Baby eats too much?  Baby eats too little?  You change the game on me almost every single day) – google often auto-fills them for me, so I know I’m not the first one who ever had that question.  And, I think we’re figuring you out.  You are mostly happy.  And when you are unhappy, we mostly know how to fix that – even if we don’t always do it on your extremely rigid schedule.  You have high expectations.  You are kind of a tiny little dictator.  When you make that first squawk, you expect your needs to be met instantly.  Sometimes it takes us a little longer and whoo boy, you let us know how you feel about that.  Those are tougher moments for me. I hate hearing you cry and I know that I’m working on taking care of whatever it is that’s making you cry but I gotta tell you little man, nobody likes someone screaming in their ear while they’re working.  We’ll work on that over time.

Tiny baby feet for eating.

You’re a little prankster.  This comes as no surprise to us as it was one of your little wacky hijinks urs that got you out into this world 2.5 weeks early.  Sometimes – when we’re not getting you what you need exactly when you think you need it – you scream and cry and throw your tiny legs around and then, when you are finally presented with a breast or bottle to meet that need, you will just tilt your head back, close your eyes and smirk at us.  I know the smiles aren’t real yet, but they sure do seem well timed sometimes.  You’ve got a “haha, I’ve got you wrapped around my little finger” smirk and boy, do you ever.   

Goobery little smile.

I had thought that, with three small nephews I was prepared for how to deal with changing a boy.  I was wrong.  During your first week home I had you on the changing table and you began screaming inconsolably.  I had no idea what the problem was – nothing appeared to be pinching or poking you.  Then I noticed that you had your hand wrapped around a handful of your hair and you were yanking on it.  This is something you seem to do a lot.  You also like to poke yourself in the eye and then scream at us like we’ve done something horrible to you.  We’re working on making you smarter.  Don’t worry. 

Playing with daddy - and looking like a little monkey.

We’re also working on making US smarter.  Another time when I was changing you, you shot poop out all over everything.  All.  Over.  Everything.  So I pulled the clean diaper out from under you and was working on cleaning the poop off of you and everything surrounding you when – out of nowhere – you began peeing all over everything.  Everything.  The wall.  Your own face.  The outfit I had set out to change you into.  In retrospect it’s one of the funniest things that you’ve done so far.  At the time, I had to take some deep breaths before starting all over again.  I’ve taken some precautionary measures when changing you now.  Hopefully nothing like that will ever happen again.  Thank you for that valuable lesson.

P.S.  Sorry for sharing that story with the whole world. 

First bath!  Accident free.

You've adapted well to your fur brothers and sisters.  The cats mostly ignore you, and so does Oliver.  Daisy, however, has kind of adopted you.  When you cry, she follows you around the whole house or plants herself in "guard" position in front of you until you stop.  When we're nursing on the couch she curls up next to us usually with her head touching us somehow.  She likes to get close to smell you - and she's very gentle with you.  I think that you'll be best friends someday. 

The start of a beautiful friendship.

Daisy goes in for the kiss!

I’ve taken to calling you “Gus”.  I call you that so much that you will probably be confused about what your real name is someday.  That is, unless I change your nickname before then.  If our years as animal parents have taught us anything – it’s that we are great lovers of nicknames.  Gus is short for “fuss-a-gus” which is what I call you whenever I hear you fuss for me.  It was natural to make the shortcut to Gus from there. 

It's a baby burrito!

I love every inch of you.  Every expression and weird little noise you make.  Your dad calls you “little Beavis” because some of your sleep noises sound a little…Beavis and Butthead-ish.  I’m hoping that’s a reference you won’t get.  Maybe ever.   But it’s still funny because he’s right.  I love all the little smiles, even if they’re not real yet, and the little frowns and how sometimes when you’re nursing and all I can see is the top half of your head and your little jaw working like crazy and you look like the most helpless, innocent little squish of a thing I’ve ever seen.  You are our miracle, our most precious gift and you are changing every single day already.  I can hardly keep up.  I want to slow time down and speed it up all at once so that I can keep you close and still watch you turn into the amazing person I know you’re going to be.  We talk about that every day, by the way.  You’re going to be big and strong.  And smart.  And kind.  You’re going to fight for the underdog and treat people with respect.  You’re going to be a light.  The world needs so many more lights so we'll work on growing yours strong and bright and learning how to let it shine all over.  You’re going to be amazing.  I’m so thankful and unbelievably blessed that I get to be a part of that.

Let your light shine.

Love and kisses all over,

Mama